Don't kidnap me, take my friend!: Final Blog Entry: It's all over and I wasn't kidnapped!

So, the trip has come to an end and thankfully I am going home in one piece and did not end up being held captive in an outdoor cage as was a fear of mine before I left home for South America. Luckily for Julie we never got threatened with a kidnap situation and I didn't have to resort to "Plan A", which was pushing her towards the captives and begging them to take her and let me go. No point in us both spending eternity in a living hell, being starved and lying in our own waste and who knows, she might even have enjoyed it! I would of course have helped with the rescue mission for her by posting photos on facebook to remind people what she looked like and telling her family that she will be alright, that she is a fighter, a survivor and that she put up quite the struggle when I handed her over to the kidnappers and then helped them blindfold her.

Julie on the right....would fight like a cage fighter if kidnappers took her. I would run like the wind!

I asked Julie what she won't miss about travelling and immediately she said "Finding pubic hairs in hostel beds." Unsurprisingly, I share her thoughts on this. We also are not going to miss ham and cheese sandwiches, which we ate a million of, sweet bread, eggs, which we also ate a million of, cheese puffs, cold showers, not being able to flush toilet paper down the loo and being stared at all the time....ALL THE TIME! I am definately not going to miss being robbed, the quota of bad luck for my whole life having been filled during this trip and I am not going to miss putting on weight from eating shit food on buses. Related to this is the picture below, which was beautifully illustrated by my good friend Jason.

I am the blimp in the stunning green dress and the two match stick figures are my parents meeting me off the plane. My Mom says to my Dad "Oh dear, she really did enjoy herself" and my Dad replies "Yes, very much so."

This is the beautiful Jason in a dress of his own!

I've been travelling for almost ten months, in this time I've taken hundreds of buses, been to eight countries, learned quite a lot of Spanish and had the best time ever. I suppose after such a long time away and after doing and seeing all the amazing things I have, I should reflect upon my experiences and wonder "How has this trip changed me?" Today I thought long and hard (for a full twenty seconds or so) about this question and then realised that I haven't changed at all! You'd think I'd be a better, more enlightened person for it, I'm not! Obviously I was pretty perfect to begin with...obviously.

I did some quite risky activities here, where usually because of a lack of health and safety standards I was genuinely afraid for my life. One especially scary incident was in Tupiza, Bolivia, I was playing cow girl for two days, our guide was a fourteen year old boy who had no idea how to safely lead a group and at one point made us cross a very wide, deep and dangerous river with a very strong current. My horse totally freaked out and gave up swimming letting us get washed down river, I was frantically kicking and cursing at him, which surprisingly did nothing. My heart beat rapidly accelerated as I became aware that I was in genuine danger. I saw the totality of my future life, a life not yet lived flash before my eyes in chronological sequence and extreme detail. I saw myself sitting at my desk for forty years, my face ravished from years of heavy drinking and my body bloated from a Mars bar addiction I develop after my cosmetic surgery goes wrong. I saw my retirement party, a farewell card with thirty Euros in it which I spend on Mars bars, a compulsion to blow up the town hall itching at my brain all the time, a short jail sentence, the words "He told me he was eighteen your honor" being mentioned, a cross dressing husband and an unhealthy obsession with Enrique Iglesias. Clearly the horse and I made it to the other side and we both lived to tell the tale, although in his version I am to blame for our near death experience. So, I survived to live another day, that town hall and young boy could be in trouble after all!

I fly back to Ireland tonight armed with memories of beautiful scenery, trekking, a huge earthquake, a missing leprechaun, muggings, drunken nights, an organic farm, hundreds of buses, music, fiestas, cool people, beaches, a special orange rain coat and lots and lots of laughing. I have loved every minute of the trip and also loved writing this blog, which is both a harmless and legal way for me to vent my insanity as well as a log of my travels. Thanks for reading it, you must be crazy too. I am going home to live with my parents, which is exactly what every thirty year old wants to be doing, thirty, single and unemployed in a recession, the possibilities are endless!!

Ciao Ciao!

Here are some of the things I won't forget....

Above: The organic farm in Ecuador, where I shovelled shit and learned about pineapples.

Above: The Inca Trail, Machu Picchu, Peru.

Above: Bolivia, my favorite country.

Above: Bungee jumping, Argentina.

Above: Paragliding on my 30th birthday in Cochabamba, Bolivia. I like wearing a helmet.

Above: Being a cowgirl, Tupiza, Bolivia. I had a helmet on again.

Above: Carnival, Oruro, Bolivia.

Above: Death Road Cycle, Bolivia and another helmet.

Above: The glacier, Calafate, Argentina. We watched the glacier and ate ham and cheese sandwiches!

Above: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The most amazing city ever! No helmet.